Fanny's Film Fucks: April 2010

Hello pervs and welcome to my new monthly post about recent my cinematic viewing pleasures and observations on what has made it through the realm of the censors.

This month Fanny checked out:

I AM LOVE

Operatic is the word everyone is using to describe this film and it truly is: incredibly powerful music, stunningly shot in a way so few films attempt anymore, and wildly dramtic storyline of rich bitches in Milan. I always love how Tilda Swinton sexualises her androgyny and here she is middle aged beauty finally letting her hair down with her sons friend. The sex scenes are beautiful, her son is HOT and the bitchy polished grandma is hillarious. Don't see this film on an empty stomach though, it's an incredibly sensual film, including it's use of food.


WHIP IT

This list basically goes like this: hot tattooed girls, some in tight spandex outfits, beating each other up, on rollerskates, Ellen Page, Drew Barrymore, Eve, and Ari Graynor. There was basically no way I was ever NOT going to like this film. It's fun and flippant andf totally watchable. The underwater sex scene is a little weird - the actors look totally awarkward - but at least it's with a skinny indie boy so it's worth watching. But hello Wilson brother, Andrew, I haven't checked out before! Your family is seriously a bunch a stone foxes.

SAMSON & DELILAH

Ok, so this film is very hard for some people to watch and not one that will have you rushing back for a second viewing. But as an ex-pat I have to say that this is an incredibly important film, one that Australia needed to make and it was done brilliantly. Now that my serious rant is over, I have one main thing to say: Samson (Rowan McNamara) dancing with his top off. You see a bit of it in the trailer but sweet jesus it is a beautiful scene. It's cut with this incredible look of growing desire in Delilah's eyes, which actually struck me as something I don't see that much of in films (ie. a woman observing man and seeing the effect it has upon her).

STREET DANCE 3D (UK release: Friday 21 May 2010)

Predictable Friday night popcorn film it certainly is. If you've seen any other dance films in the last 10 years, it feels totally derivitive of them all. But hey, it does it well, and it's very British in a cheesy Hollywood way, so it does what it sets out to do. From the opening scene I thought I was about to see some 3D bedroom action (only a matter of time till someone does it) but sadly no. In fact, the whole film is very hands off and there aren't many hotties but they did very well at making Charlotte Rampling look like she's still go it going on! (I LOVE Charlotte Rampling)

DATE NIGHT

This film left Robin with a bit of a Tina Fey crush, which I don't mind at all because at least that takes the pressure off me having to look like Demi Moore in Charlie's Angels 2 when I pass 40. Anyway, the film is fun, fast moving and quite a sweet look at a modern married couple trying to keep their relationship fun, and the trouble it gets them into. It's really cast-up on the supporting roles, with Mark Wahlberg running around topless and the dishy James Franco playing it tough. No sex but hey, Tina and Steve kinda look like brother and sister anyway.

THE DISSAPEARANCE OF ALICE CREED (UK release: Friday 30 April 2010)

We all know Gemma Arterton is hot and she is going to be HUGE once Prince of Persia comes out next month, so it's nice to see her in this very small very British film just before she skyrockets away. This thriller is very tightly executed by hot new writer/director J Blakeson, so well indeed you barley notice that it doesn't move beyond one room and three characters for most of the film. Apart from totally scoring with Gemma, it is also wins with the addition of the very pretty Martin Compston (Red Road) who is very convincing as the charming and seductive kidnapper, who... oh god I want to spoil it for you but I won't. Definitely see this.

KICK-ASS

Written by our idea of a yummy-mummy, Jane Goldman, and starring this years ultimate MILF-lover, Aaron Johnson, Kick-Ass is pretty awesome, but the entire film is stolen by Hit Girl (Chloë Moretz), the best pre-pubescent female character since Mathilda in Léon. I actually really liked how unapologetic they made her and how she was dressed not in some overtly sexualised super-hero costume, but in exactly what I would have worn if I were a 12 year-old vigilante. Can the sequel just be about her, because the rest of the storyline paled in comparison. Apart from the sex-scene out the back of the comic book store, where Johnson and his girlfriend (Lyndsy Fonseca) have a spend a good minute of screen time fucking in the sunshine. Apparently there was another sex scene that hit the cutting room floor but might be worth buying the extended cut DVD for.


What Fanny is looking forward to:

SEX AND THE CITY 2 (UK release: Friday 28 May 2010)

No need to explain why but check out the red dress with the spikey shoulders that Samantha is rocking. Oh my, how Fanny needs this in her world!

IRON MAN 2 (UK release: Friday 30 April 2010)

Robert Downey Jnr plus Scarlett Johansson in a leather catsuit, yes please!

COCO CHANEL AND IGOR STRAVINSKY (UK release: TBC)

I was so excited when it was annouced yesterday that Soda Pictures had acquired this film for release in the UK. But hey, I am always a sucker for a bio pic about famous people hooking up. Looks like we should expect lots of style and sex. Hurrah!

SALT (UK release: Friday 20 August 2010)

Angelina Jolie does Bourne. With black hair. I'm not going to kid myself by pretending that I won't watch this.


Which films Fanny would like to see get an international release:

THE RUNAWAYS

Can someone PLEASE pick up the rights to this for UK release! I am in no way a Twilight fan but you've automatically got your market right there.

HAPPINESS RUNS

Cheesy thriller about the implications of growing up with free love. Based on a true story? Ok!

8: THE MORMON PROPOSITION

Interesting documentary about the role that right-wing religious types have in fucking up equal rights.

Our hunt for the perfect thigh high boots Part3: The Finale

Avid readers of our blog will be aware of our ongoing hunt to find the perfect pair of Thigh High boots, Fanny and I have searched high and low. In our first installment we hit the high street and discovered that Topshop seem to design shoes for anorexic mannequins as opposed to women, in our second installment we cooed over the designer brands and lusted over Agent Provocateurs offerings to the field. However we were still left unsatisfied and wanting more.

To be honest, dear readers, we were left a little saddened, surely somewhere out there in the world of naughty footwear, there would be a pair of boots for Fanny's delicious legs? A pair that were not only HOT, not only classy, but had heels which would stand up to a full evening of trash-bag disco dance floor abuse!

With ebay searches set up, and constant vigilance and research online (Robin rather enjoyed that part) we figured we'd have to wait for the next season's designs to come out before our quest would come to an end.

Then suddenly, almost fatefully it happened. Robin was working late at night, when his ebay email alert popped up on his screen. It seemed almost too good to be true, a pair of boots, in Fanny's size, with the softest leather and sexiest heels we'd seen, not only that but they were up for a fifth of the price they retail at, alas they were in Poland. Not wanting to tip Fanny off too early, Robin kept the boots secret, and checked up from time to time on their progress. No one was bidding on them, surely something was fishy?

A week later and Robin was sitting at his desk again late at night, an ebay alert popped up, the auction was about to end. Clicking back on the listing and still not a sole had bid, however in a fit of Thigh Boot fantasy over rationality, he bit the bullet and clicked bid (for an amount it would be rude to repeat), confirm, click, your bid has been accepted. Oh god, what had he done?

What followed was another week of tense waiting, in the mean time, poor Robin had discovered that the Eastern European seller had only just registered on ebay, had a feedback score of 0 and was no longer answering her messages. Money down the drain, it was all a scam, the usual internet savvy boy had fallen for the oldest trick in the book!

Do not fear however dear readers! It seems the god of footwear was looking down upon these naughty bloggers! Two weeks after they were expected, a full week after Robin had intended to present his surprise a delivery note arrived through his letter box. The boots were here, on collecting the package it still all seemed a little bit like a dream to our foot fetishist eager ebayer, but true enough they were real, they existed and they would now be a part of Robin & Fanny's life.

Why we didn't think of him in the first place we do not know, when searching for the sexiest, the best, the most amazing footwear, there is perhaps only one name we should have been thinking of.

May we present, our perfect Thigh High Boots:

Monsieur Christian Louboutin's black leather Monica Thigh Boots:

The trademark red soles just scream sex, the long soft leather slides up Fanny's milky thighs, the platform adds that extra little kapow! to them. They really are quite devine.

The day after recieving them Fanny sent Robin a message "I'm still can't quite believe I'm allowed to join the club of people who own such lovely shoes". I think that says it all...

Our hunt is finally over.

CB6000Male Chastity Device

"Be careful what you wish for".... Never have these words had more truth for poor Robin. When we started this blog, we figured it would be a great way, not only to tell the world about the wonderful places we've found, and things we've seen, but also a nice way of scoring some freebies to review from various naughty businesses. Within days of sending our our press release we had received tickets to fetish clubs and even a pile of naughty books, however the arrival of a curious box made the whole experiment a lot more real for us both. The words Chastity Device brings up images of fair maidens locked away in castles whilst their knights in shining armour do battle against dragons. This it seems however is no longer the case. Launched with the CB2000 and following through to the newest CB6000 male chastity has been undergoing somewhat of a renaissance in modern fetish circles. In fact, various fantasy chastity story sites and even tease and denial captioned picture sites have built up into seemingly quite a scene, we even bumped into a poor "cock locked" (as Fanny so charmingly calls it) man at the last Torture Garden that we went to. Robin has a rather submissive streak, and so all it took was a few words from a rather stern looking Fanny, before we were trying out this latest toy. All in the name of research for you our discerning readers...
Oh my, when Fanny uttered the words "I think we should try out that new toy this week" I thought my heart would stop beating. Asking me to ceremonially strip in front of her and then place the device on before she locked it, she looked me deep in the eyes and asked if I was sure I was up to it. I nodded and then 'click' she shut the lock on my cock for a week, eek! What followed was a week of restless nights (who'd have thought I have SO many nocturnal erections), awkward toilet experiences (keeping the device clean was quite a chore) but mostly a week of utter submissive heaven. Fanny quickly slipped into the role of Mistress Fanny and before long I was making her bed, rubbing her back, licking her boots clean, and even pleasuring her to penis crushing, mind warping, insane frustration causing orgasm. We did learn that playing games like this is much more intense than a regular evening play session. That when real life gets in the way of kink, stress levels can rise, and that communication is key. The effects of the device wasn't so much about the physical grip on my cock (although I was always well aware of its presence), but much more about the relationship between us. All it took was a look, a flick of her hair, or a stern word and Fanny could send my hormones rushing. By day 5 I hit my limit, sitting at work, I suddenly felt like I was coming up on drugs. My cock swelled up to the cruel walls of the device and my head started spinning with the horniest thoughts. My hands were shaking and I honestly couldn't think straight. Fanny however was stern (and loving) as ever "there is no way that device is coming off before the weekend". God I love her. When she finally did let me out, I had an orgasm like I used to when I was 15. Truly shocking and quite earth moving. It was a great experiment, amazing to see how easily I can be controlled by withholding my release, and I certainly realised by day 5 that it was as much a punishment as a game. I very much enjoyed it, but at the same time, I'm very happy to have my cock back in my control. 5 quivering aching desperately needed releases out of 5.		"Why would any man want to do such a thing to himself???" I thought when we received this 'chastity device' which I promptly renamed as a 'cock lock". I'm a rather open minded little bunny but THIS had never really occurred to me. To be honest, I was pretty concerned at first that placing such restrictions on ones member could cause long term damage (and it is obviously in my best interest for this not to happen), but after a little online research, we were assured that it was all perfectly harmless. Perusing the internet also led me discover the community of people who regularly use such toys in their relationships. So after some deliberations, I suggested or probably more fittingly, requested that we try it out. It is a pretty interesting experiment to see a man, particularly your own highly virile specimen, practically sans-phallus. I was quite surprised, though, how rather than erasing the sexual pulse of the relationship, it actually magnified it, adding an erotic edge to every part. I quickly accelerated from a reluctant dom into full princess-mode with Robin encased in this device. My every whim and fancy had to be fulfilled and even the simplest kiss would leave him in a pleading puddle on the floor. After a tentative first day or two, I was relishing the experience of seeing my partner from a different perspective. This is definitely a toy that both parties have to be in the right head-space for, with clear time frames and boundaries set prior to lock down. Of course, it wasn't long before I too was looking forward to using the key that I carried with me all week. Apart from the obvious ways in which I felt deprived of the repressed appendage, I also missed the person I was in love with in every sense but, oh my, what a delight when they were returned to me! This was definitely a new experience for me, and one which I now welcome. And, just having it in our toy box, is always such a great threat for a lady of my calibre to have in her leverage. I give the CB6000 5 jingling keys out of 5.

WE LOVE: Rammstein's Box Set

German Metal Gods Rammstein have been giving it to us hard since their particular brand of screaming noise first hit the streets back in 1994. However with the release of their latest album "Liebe ist fur alle da" (Love is for everyone) they've managed to enable all of their fans to feel the force of Rammstein first hand! The box set, comes not only with the latest album, not only with a set of handcuffs, not only with a bottle of lube, but unbelievably with 6 shiny dildo's cast from the band members cocks! Get your hands on one and live out your fantasies as a rock band's groupie in the privacy of your own bedroom.

The Erotic Book Club Is On The Map!

We were very excited last night when turning up to London Festival of the Art of Japanese Bondage to discover amongst the flyers at the door a brand new London Fetish Map had been printed! A month or so ago we had submitted a listing to have our Erotic Book Club included in the map, so we eagerly grabbed a copy and scanned through the listings. Lo and behold, as the rather clued up man on the door told us, there we were with a listing in amongst the 'munches and discussion groups' section.

If you want to join our book club check out the website, and come along for a natter. We pick a different title each month, then all get together in a very welcoming and informal atmosphere to discuss the book and let our conversation wander off into all sorts of naughty avenues. This month we are reading "The Story Of O" by Pauline Reage.

Now we just have to work out how to explain to Donlon Books (the book shop that hosts us) that there are a bundle of filthy maps on their way to them for their discerning customers!

WE LOVE:Christian Louboutin Tap Dancing

We simply adore Monsieur Christian Louboutin, not only does he design the sexiest shoes in the universe, not only has he brought out his own catsuited barbie doll, he's now gone and released a tap-dancing video! Available on fashionair.com the film shows Christian daydreaming in his Parisian workshop, then dreamily taking to the stage on broadway, before drawing up shoes and hot pant rocking dancers to accompany him. We especially love the muted colour scheme, with flashes of his trademark red soles.

Watch the video here, and then join us daydreaming about owning some of his pretty shoes.