After Pandora: Pirates & Showgirls social

After Pandora is as a friendly members community based in London, which regularly holds socials and parties which focus upon creating a safe, accepting environment for self-expression, creativity and heaps of naughty fun. In order to join this community, potential members are invited to attend one of their regular social events which are held in order to vet potential members for their private events.

What a great venue! This summer soiree was held on the Battersea Barge which is tucked in on the Thames just near the Battersea Power Station, which made it the ideal setting for such an night. Even though it was a typically breezy London in June evening, it was still a marvellous spot and the intimate, cabaret style interior made it ideal for such a party.

As usual, I hadn't read much about what I was going to (I saw the word 'pervy' and 'party' and that was about all I needed) so I just figured this was an event for all the regular members to attend without necessarily any below the belt action happening. You know, a civil affair rather than a sordid one. I hadn't read up that this was an event to vet me as a potential member, so I left Robin tied up at home and bought some lovely lady arm candy with me instead. It was my bad in doing so and probably tainted my initial impression when I climbed aboard the boat only to discover that, even at nearly 9pm, the party was in less than full swing. I am quite sure there is a restriction by the venue owners on the numbers that can attend, and of course the organisers want to ensure that everyone can get a seat during the performances plus they can meet and great all the newbies, so keep the crowd to a minimum was preferable, but it didn't make for a very wow! event. That said, practically everyone in attendance had come dressed in costume and were eager to engage with the proceedings of the evening.

My friend and I were lucky to grab a seat up the front near the ample stage area and I was really pleased that there was a sit down, traditional cabaret style section for the audience. One of my biggest gripes with so many nights with such performances is that you have to stand up, and as a both a former entertainer and a lady of small stature in heels, I am never impressed by such an option. So it was great to be able to plonk ourselves within close proximity to the action. And, my word, was there action! As this was a free event (no cover charge AND reasonable food and drink prices I might add) I am a little more forgiving of the performances which kept swinging from simply outstanding to rather dubious. Of notable mention was the oh-so-watchable and incredibly talented Bryony Kimmings, who kind of stole my friend and my heart that evening. I really encourage anyone who gets the chance to catch one of her performances to rush rush rush to be there. Also a shining star was The Groom, who literally bought the house lights down with his fucking hot Kill Bill burlesque. Original, energetic and so terrifyingly hot, there was a dry pair of pants left in the room. The compere for the evening Jessica Fostekew was also such a pleasure you often would have preferred she stay on stage a bit longer. Female stand-up comedians are such rarities; it makes this one a bit of a treasure. I don't think I could write this review without mentioning the final performance by Katja Saucy-Pants. As a lover of Gurlesque, I am very accustomed to seeing great lengths of tinsel, flags etc being pulled from a woman's nether regions, but perhaps after her rendition of 'Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend" I wasn't really expecting that she had been carrying that much plastic jewellery inside herself all that time.... though it was delightful to see a splodge of joy juice go flying into some guys face at the end.

After the performances, we adjourned back up on deck where I had the delight of finally meeting Miss Kitty Stryker before my friend and decided it was probably worth making the long journey (well long for someone who rarely leaves it) back to East London before we got too drunk.

I'd be very interested in seeing what the actual parties are like. And who knows, I might even let Robin out to play too.

Kinky Salon London: Science Friction

The second party for London's newest and most exciting performance and play party, Kinky Salon London, was held last night with the theme of Science Friction. The UK extension of a party that has been running in San Francisco for nine years, Kinky Salon promotes itself as a sex-positive environment for people of all genders and sexual identities, and this not-for-profit event was held in a secret decorated East London warehouse. Run by a community of volunteers, entry prices range from £10 for contributors to £30 for high earners / last minute tickets, with the majority of tickets on sale for £20.

I was quite excited about attending this party as the shorthand description generally used to describe it is Shortbus, which is exactly the kind of creative, queer community building environment I had been looking for in London, having found such spaces (albeit nearly a decade ago) in Sydney's (once thriving?) alterna-queer scene.

Upon arriving, I was instantly warmed by both the feeling of overt friendless and organisation, and pleased with the obvious level of effort and humour which had gone into everyone's costumes. As a woman who has bounced around in such play scenes, clubs and parties over many years, I was also impressed and reassured by the code of conduct and PAL system simply because the lack of such things in other spaces are usually my biggest gripes when the fact that I am a big sExhibitionist leads some less discerning men (and occasionally women) to think is an open invitation to touch and harass me. Thus, once inside, I instantly felt at ease / at home.

We'd been less excited about the location of the secret venue when it was revealed but this was simply because we go to a lot of events here and were hoping for something new. It also isn't the safest space to access, its only entrance down a dark East London back street near many council estates, which is even more of an issue when attendees are encouraged to arrive in costume as there is little-to-no changing space. Not surprisingly, we were hassled by a bunch of ASBO youth who seemed to be deliberately loitering nearby, who took a little too much interest in not only Robin's wig and heels but the fact that we were obviously a couple. But, to be fair, we cop this a lot when we go out, so it is definitely nothing to be held against the venue or KSL organisers.

Knowing the venue as we do, I could definitely appreciate how much effort had gone into transforming the space, marking different areas for certain activities, and dressing it for the occasion. Despite my initial reservation, I was quickly convinced that the team had made this into a unique night and it was destined to be a lot of fun. I have no doubt that KSL is run by a savvy and ambitious bunch who know how to pick and shape space and probably have their sites set on growing the event to a bigger venue in good time.

I also liked the fact that entry was strictly between 9 and 10pm, as I am always a sucker for rocking up late in order to catch a party in full swing. You knew by the limited opening time that the party would start as soon as you arrived and the space quickly filled with creatively attired revellers. HOT creatively attired revellers, mind you! There was, in mind, definitely a bevy of well-styled, cute partygoers of all shapes and sizes to make this event worth ones while!

Once the door bitch was off duty and everyone had a few drinks in them, the cabaret finally started. We were instantly enraptured by the lovely Suzanne Portnoy's erotic reading and couldn't help feeling each other up during her warmly sardonic description of fantasy fulfilment gone not quite right. Diva Burlesque and Tricity Vogue were equally a treat and Vix left a good smell of fried synthetic hair in the air. And as the evenings compere, Luke Meredith came pretty close to the standard set by Justin Bond in my high expectations.

Perhaps a little too quickly the entertainment was over but thankfully there was some great party tunes to shake your ass too. While some of the party moved on to the play space at the this point, it was quite nice to see people still bouncing around having fun and socialising. As an East London regular, I probably shouldn't have been quite so surprised by how many people I knew at the party, and it was really lovely when it came to hanging out, having fun and feeling part of a community. But as someone who loves a little anonymity when she *really* enjoys herself in public, it did become a bit of an issue for me when I moved into play space... But then, maybe this lady should just fuck off to San Francisco is she doesn't want to bump into anyone she knows when she is having a grind.

As someone with experience of open horizons, I wasn't used to coming into such a space in a monogamous relationship, so it was a new experience for me. It would have been fun to have somewhere to relax with a drink while watching the beautiful bodies mingle together but to be fair the space limited any couple trying to do so to look like they were queueing for a spot in the throng, so it was very much a get involved or go downstairs environment. But everyone was having so much fun, you couldn't help but want to be part of it.

All in all, I had a very fun evening and have a lot of respect for the aims and efforts of the KSL team. As Robin said to me as we stumbled home, I think we might be very close to finding out perfect party. Hurrah!

I must admit, as much as a perv as I am, I was a little apprehensive at first about going along to Kinky Salon. Not because of any prudishness, but I think I was a little concerned that an English version of Shortbus would rather more resemble a swingers party full of my parents friends rather than anything I would fancy diving into, things always look a bit more glamorous in the movies. As it was it seems 99% of my fears were completely unjustified. Fanny and I for some time have been looking for a club where we really feel we fit in. Torture Garden can often far more resemble a catwalk show than somewhere you feel you can let go, others are incredibly heteronormative, or we're comfortable but surrounded by gay friends with no one to share experiences with. Technically Fanny and I are a heterosexual monogamous couple, but with a cross dressing anarchist tank driver and a strap-on weilding swaggering showgirl, we don't really fit societies roles too well. One of the things I really liked about KSL was the fact that everyone felt welcome and included, there was a great mix of straight and queer kids of all persuasions and perversions, and you really felt safe being yourself amongst it all.

I must admit, at first I thought their whole sets of rules, PAL systems etc was a bit of an over kill, however on reflection, I guess this made a whole load of discussion and boundary setting unnecessary on the night. The only discussion needed was to discuss our boundaries as a couple, which was an interesting and positive relationship building experience.

The night was well structured and, as a party promoter myself, one of the things I really liked was their strict door entrance window from 9-10pm. It meant that as soon as you turned up, you knew that the party would be going, rather than having to wait for the post pub/club crowds to turn up. The only problem was that, as people left there was no-one coming along to replace them, and of course it meant I had to get my fucking false eyelashes to stay in place several hours quicker than normal. The evening started with music, then cabaret and then the dance floor got going (Fanny's flooding of their playlist with booty tracks certainly helped with this part). Once the show was over then the upstairs play area opened up, and the party really started. Peeking in, the mass of hot bodies writhing on the giant bed was a beautiful sight to behold. Alas dear readers rule number 6 "what happens at KS stays at KS" prevents me from telling you about all of the wonderful experiences I had and sights that I saw (you'll just have to attend yourself one day). Slipping in and out of the play area, made me realise however that perhaps the cabaret, or at least DJ's could have had more focus post "game on" announcement. It did feel a bit like the whole focus of the party suddenly shifted, with the door people, DJ's and everyone else running off to have fun rather than keeping the dance floor rocking too. If you need a playtime DJ, then Fistly (our collective DJ name) is available for booking ;-)

As for the clientel, Oh My God, I was not disappointed. More creativity and desire than you can shake a stick at. The crowd is mostly very young for fetish circles (20's & 30's) and very mixed. There were some amazingly funny and saucy outfits, hello Darth Vader and Princess Leia, plus some obscenely hot ones, latex leggings furry tail butt plug girl you stole our heart. Everyone had made an effort, and it made the whole party feel that much more special.

We'll definitely be back at Kinky Salon, it struck a great balance between an East London arty dress up night, a fetish club and finally as swingers night where couples were welcome. Just crank up the volume a bit more and try not to play the Glee theme tune when I'm mood setting in my mind and battling with the brewers next time, eek!

DON'T MISS: Gutterslut2nd Birthday Party

This Sat 27th February sees GutterSlut's 2nd Birthday Party bash, an event not to be missed! Rhythm Factory in Whitechapel, London host the night with all of the outrageous cross dressed performance dirty rave chaos that you'd expect from the Gutterslut Crew. With appearances from the faboulous Johnny Woo and their resident Miss Crystal Mc the night is set to explode in an orgy of glitter, dirty beats, stiletto heels, loud mouths and big big hair.
Tickets are available for £8 in advance from the wonderful Dalston Superstore, or online at ticketweb.co.uk . After attending their NYE bash, and dancing our sock off whilst big hairy Italians kneeled down and literally begged Robin to let them run off with Fanny, we can safely say this is a night like no other!

Don't say we didn't warn you xxx