GO SEE: The Hoerengracht at the National Gallery

Currently nestled between depiction's of weeping virgins and divinely naked Greek goddesses, London's National Gallery is currently exhibiting something a little different. Ed and Nancy Kienholz's installation drops you into the streets of 80's era Amsterdam - or more specifically it's notorious red light district - and quickly shifts you from viewer to voyeur. We highly recommend you check this one out. In the NG's Sunley Room until 21st February 2010.

WE LOVE: Louboutin Cat Burglar Barbie

Oh My God, He's done it again. Christian Louboutin, creator of possibly the sexiest shoes on earth has teamed up with Barbie to create the ultimate gift for the person that has everything. We present the Christian Louboutin cat burglar Barbie!

The 12" diva comes complete with a shiny black catsuit and 4 pairs of mini Louboutin heels! Each pair comes with a mini box and shoe bag. Priced at £100 it's probably not one for the kids to play with, but a perfect Objet D'Art for any boudoir x

Coco de Mer opens in New York!

There are few stores we love more than CoCo de Mer - and few cities we love more than New York! So it is rather fitting that CCdM has finally opened it's first east coast boutique, just in time for Christmas.

So if slapping a well attired bottom would warm your festive season up, then we suggest you get down to the new Nolita-central store and check out their very wearable wares and ethical accessories.

236 Elizabeth Street (btw Houston & Prince)
New York
NY 10012

Tel. +1 212 966 9069

x

Naughty gifts for Christmas Under £100!

So we have been rather busy over the last month, trying to find each other delightfully naughty (but tasteful, of course) seasonal gifts, and thought we should share the spoils with you! So here's our cheap, and a little dirty, stocking fillers for your lover (and maybe, just a treat for you).

Arthur de Pins "Peches Mignons" 2010 calendar

12 months of these these wonderfully ripe rumped ladies? Oh yes please. Arthur de Pins' drawings always make us giggle.

History of German Porn: Gretchen Kraut Collection

A pretty collection of vintage German erotic photography. Sadly sans lederhosen and Schnitzel.

Rufskin Scout denim pants

Well, who wants Y-fronts for Xmas anyway?

Lou Lou Loves You panties

Not only as this silky cutie wonders handmade by a hot curvy lady, but they actually fit your whole bum! No matter round it may be.... And make it look rather edible at that!

Tom of Finland Eau de Parfum

Something tells us this smells like a well worn leather thong. And of course, we like that.

Agent Provocateur paddle

Cute bottom sadly not included.

"Hotel des Doux Plaisirs" dessert plates

We don't really suggest you stuff these in a stocking... but they may make for a rather interesting Christmas if you serve pudding on them!

Coco de Mer Gold Pleasure/Pain Peg

For the hedonist who already has it all.

And stay tuned for more indulgent gifts of desire later this week! x

Our hunt for the perfect thigh high boots Part 2!

Our hunt continued for the perfect pair of Thigh High boots this week. As everyone knows, thigh high is the look for this season, and any shoe designer worth their salt is putting out a pair of long leather lovelies. After discovering that the majority of highstreet brands seemed to be designing for shapeless women, we decided to venture into the world of high fashion with a look at Agent Provocateur, Gucci and Prada amongst others.


Alas as could be expected the price tag of most of these boots turned our hunt more into a research mission (for you our discerning readers) as opposed to a shopping trip. With the, up to £1600, price tag came a host of curious design decisions. We can only suppose that if you're spending that much on a pair of boots, you want everyone to be able to tell them apart from the crowd and shrink in awe at your disposable income.


Why dear designers, can no one take the classic thigh boot design and turn it into something classy and sexy? It seems the choice at the moment is mostly between high fashion and high price tag, or back to the trashbag world of PVC street walkers for £50. We want an erotic tailored pair of boots made for a woman, fit in the bedroom as much as out for a night of fun.

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Firstly, we spied a pair at L.K Bennett, which Fanny wasn't, as a brand, that excited by as they always seemed a little 'mumsy' to her. However, their "Dillon" over the knee boots did look like they could hit the mark so we gave them a whirl.

These were rather nice and well cut with a zipper all the way up the inner leg. The seam around the ankle did give them an extended ankle boot look, but they did practically zip nearly all the way up on Fanny, so to their credit, with a little wear, they would have stretched to a comfortable fit. However, these were really just over-the-knee rather than thigh boots so they could have done with an extra inch or two on the top. They also looked, well, average, which with their £500 price tag, you would prefer to feel a bit chic rather than high-street.

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Of course, we were rather excited when Agent Provocateur released thigh boots with their most recent range and were in a bit of rush to try them on. So much so, that we were the first in the particular store to do so (even beating a certain Miss Winehouse, who was perusing the new collection with her entourage at the same time).

These were, as expected, rather great. The heel was sexy for a fuller style, and even though they were as cut as if they were a built up pair of high heels (a trend we aren't a fan of) they still were rather fetching. The split at the top meant they would have encased Fanny's thigh immediately, if not after a little wear, but alas we never got the chance to get the ankle to side zip done up. A little above average in the calf department (15-16 inches), there wasn't that much of a chance that they would ever fit. But, with a nearly £800 price tag, I think our bank accounts were grateful.

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Others we spied were the Azzedine Alaia's which look sweet in their press pic, but whose square toe, heel and ankle seem didn't melt our butter

Prada's were nice but Robin definitely wasn't a fan of the heel




And the Gucci ones, which appeared at the top of Part 1, were probably the most worthy high-end attempt for the season, but you know, we'll keep dreaming.

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Well well, who thought this would be quite so difficult? What do you suppose we should do? Give up? Keep hunting? Hmmmm.... perhaps you should give us your recommendations dear readers x

WE LOVE Nine Trailer

Oh my, So we were at the cinema this week, waiting to watch "An Education" (which incidentally we whole heartedly approved of, let the Oscar nominations flow) when all of a sudden we were assaulted by a barrage of tassles, thigh boots, raunchy dance routines and pelvic thrusts. Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the new trailer for "Nine". Ok so there is not much of a description of the plot, however to be honest we weren't particularly interested, we're sure the film is more focussed on big numbers than intricate plot twists. It contains a plethora of today's starlets and a wardrobe we'd die for. Keep your eyes peeled.

Agent ProvocateurWinter 09 - Mission To Earth II

Agent Provocateur recently released the next instalment of their Mission to Earth ranges.  The Winter collection brings together some delicious new ideas, some re-invention of older styles and even a couple of pairs of boots thrown into the mix.  On a recent trip to one of their stores we got a chance to get up close and personal with the goodies and see if the garments lived up to the impressive advertising campaign...
Oh hello AP winter collection. Can I jut have all of you? No really, this is a very Fanny pleasing collection, if you'll pardon the pun. Yes, it's a lot more classic than Autumn's collection, but don't they do it well! Baroness, Black Swan, and Maitre D are delightfully chic, Meteorite and Ponytail are cute twist on vintage styling, but the hands down (legs spread) winner of the season, has to be Minnie! So sweet and well sculpted, I know of few breasts that wouldn't look adorable in this set. Oh yes, this gets a very gushing but truly delighted 5 out of 5 hip swishes from this little fan who can't wait for Christmas! *hint hint*		The last few collections from AP have left me happy but wanting more from the brand which pretty much set the bar for erotic and not trashy lingerie .  This time around I was much more impressed with what they put out.  My personal favourite was the Minnie set with it's striking red and white polka dot design.  The Venus Fly Trap is a silver re-work of their classic play suits (one of which Miss Fanny owns) and have always been an absolute favourite of mine.  As a final cherry on the cake, they've finally made available to the public the Thigh Boots which they've been tantalising the public with in their marketing and march through London (How exactly did I miss that???).  My only concern is that their prices seem to be creeping up, especially in a time where most of us are feeling the pinch, I know they are a high end brand, but it would be nice not to have to wait for the sale every year.  In summary I give their winter collection 4 nipple nibbles out of 5.

Our hunt for the perfect thigh high boots Part 1!

Elle Magazine Italy, September 2009

My oh my, thigh boots are everywhere! Since Autumn/Winter 08, pussy pelmet skimming pretties have been appearing and this season is no different. As bootlovers.com has been excitedly blogging, ladies with thigh grabbers of various styles are all over town. So, of course we thought that this would be the ideal time for Fanny & Robin to put on there hunting attire and sniff out the perfect pair of thigh high boots....

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At Topshop, we discovered Britany and Billy which illustrate the two basic options on offer:

Britany is all leather, slightly platformed and comes well over the knee and up the thigh, where as
Billy is made from synthetic polyurethane, little to no platform and comes just over the knee.

Both have an ankle zip on the inner side and a not too scary stiletto heel. Both are very lovely and quite reasonably priced, BUT and this is a rather important but, NEITHER of them fit a woman's thigh. Which kind of defeats the point of them being thigh boots doesn't it?

Of course, by a 'womanly thigh' we mean Fanny's which are a rather lovely creamy pair of curvy size 10-12 pins. Hardly huge by any means. But as Robin kneeled on the Topshop shoe section floor and squeezed Fanny into them, the affect was more like a strapped-ham-slapper-central rather than anything enticing. They created a rather awful pinched thigh effect, like they would cut off the blood circulation within an hour of wear, and thus were quickly discarded. What a shame as the Britany pair were rather pretty, but as we saw in the window display on our way out, Topshop obviously think a woman's thigh isn't much bigger than a skinny arm, as the boots were ridiculously roomy on the mannequin.

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Next up was the lovely Pied a Terre's Rockford boots, which are much pricer but beautifully constructed pair of pretty pretties.

They definitely made their way up Fanny's thigh's without too much tornique effect but without any type of ankle zipper their ease-on-up cut meant they eased back down pretty quickly, giving a rather unflattering baggy ankle look. Again, what a shame.

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Next was Kurt Geiger. Oh how we love KG! But sadly there surprisingly wasn't much on offer apart from their Vamp Black boots with seemingly removable chain decoration.

The seriously killer stilletto heel and dubious decoration made Fanny not that excited about trying them on sadly but at least with their fitted long zip they appeared to be appropriate for the female form they were attempting to encase, so well done KG. Now if only they made a pair with a heel less likely to snap off on a drunken night out, our hunt would be over....

Oh well, stay tuned

WE LOVE Beyoncé - Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)

If you like it then you should have put a ring on it, we like it, we like it! Beyonce's latest video is possibly one of the greatest celebrations of women's curves I've ever seen. Seriously this video is all hips, butts and powerful thighs. The concept is so simple, get three hot women (and these are definitely women, not skinny little bitches) then watch them dance like you've never seen before. Like a cross between a work out and a war dance this video sets the bar for all others. Right up to the finale you are fixated watching the three shake, pump and thrust their way through an amazingly tight routine, and what a finale it is as the camera closes in on Beyonce's face, glowing with sweat and endorphines as she pants for breath and smiles at the camera. Watch it for yourself here.

"Macho Sluts" by Patrick Califia

Originally published in 1988 by Alyson Books, Patrick Califia's "Macho Sluts" has been re-released in the UK this month by Arsenal Pulp Press. Brimming with sordid tales of gender bender BDSM, the book covers everything from Lesbians being topped by Gay male cops, through to a vampire fetish club blood letting love story, even a little vanilla sex is thrown in for good measure. Setting itself above most porn with very well written and paced stories, Pat takes us on a journey through a world of leather, pleasure, pain and a lot of hot fucking. Accompanying the stories is an essay berating censorship of erotica and timely advice (written as it was in the height of the Aids scare) on safe sex. A must have for anyone's naughty book cabinet.
Wow, what a collection, Jesus Christ, this is not a book you can read on the tube to work (although a friend of mine has tried). The stories depict hot unashamedly filthy deviant tales of sex, but always with a sense of love. The characters indulge in their passions and perversions with gusto, however they are always written with a sense of respect from Califia. My personal favourites included the story of the young girl being given a loving discipline session before being sent off to boarding school and the tale of the Cops mentioned above. In an almost Rolad Dahl way a lot of the stories have a surprising twist at the end which takes me back to the point that this is much better written and much more than just a collection of tales to beat off to. In summary this would get 5 hard canings, a wax drip and a good fisting out of five.		Oh, Saint Pat. How I adore thee. And how important this book has been, that reading it over 20 years after its original release, it still feels like there is space in the market / community / cosmos for such a title to be released. Amusingly, we previously hunted down an old edition prior to re-release to peruse, but it did result in me causing a series of 2nd hand book shop attendants on Charring Cross Rd to blush very hard upon enquiring if they possibly had the title. I love the introduction and how Califia firmly challenges the previously (and still somewhat) very guarded lesbian community to be more open and fluid with their fantasies and play times. And I think Pat was pretty successful as the not only are the subjects but the style a total win, making this a very entertaining read. I undoubtedly give it the full 5 Fanny fingers of fun.

Men's Underwear A Rant

In this blog, we spend a lot of time cooing over delicious creations for the female form, thigh high boots, corsets, thongs, french knickers, hoisery, killer heels and skimpy baby dolls. However when it comes to male underwear there is a whistle of wind as we watch the tumbleweed roll on past. Why are mens pants sooo, pants?

Scanning through the underwear department of any male clothes shop and the briefs tend to heavily value function over form. Robin is a straight male with a taste for adventure and would love his underwear (when he's not borrowing Fanny's) to match his attitude to life. Alas the only choice seems to be which garish brand logo do you want strapped to the top of your black, white or 'exciting colour' breifs. That is of course unless you count the 'novelty giraffe head' Ann Summers school of male 'sexy time' underwear choices.

This safari has lead Robin to have to venture further afield in his search for something that doesn't make him feel more David Brent than Casanova. The search has lead him venturing into everything from bespoke tailors to gay leather shops.

It turns out a trip to Old Compton Street (central London's gay high street) was as close as he could come to sylish brief nirvana. Gay men seem to have a much bolder and creative approach to their undercarriage decoration than us straight dullards, however even more so than ever here Brand recognition is king. I guess when everyone is producing the same shaped garments (Y front design is y front design) the only thing to make your pants stand out from the crowd is a big logo to let everyone know how much you paid for these bad boys. How depressing.

Don't get us wrong, this isn't a rant calling for further explorations along the lines of Guyliner or Peter Stringfellow thongs (well perhaps it is a little), we're not calling for men to be dressed up in lacy little numbers, just a little more inventiveness and a little less churning out the same old staples.

Here follows a list of some of the shining stars of Gentlemans privates dressers we've found so far:


American Apparel - Ok so their briefs are pretty darn basic, a standard Y-Front, but the range of colours, oh the range of colours is second to none. Plus very importantly they are all sweatshop free ethically produced.

XTG Spanish Brand XTG (eXTreme Game) knock out a range of stylish very well fitted and high quality pants, stripes, patterns and all manner of crazy pictures adorn their designs.

John Galliano - Ok so he is mental, and some of the pants (such as the golden beauties above) elicit the response "your not coming anywhere near me in those fuckers" from Fanny, however top marks for effort.

Aussie Bum - If your going to Sitges beach in Barcelona, you had better make sure you're rocking this seasons Aussie Bum swimmers. A cavaleir design ethic championed by gay men and lusted over by the likes of Robin.

Mundo Unico - Another Spanish brand who are not afraid to push the boundaries. Robin owns a rather natty pair of their swimmers and will soon be invesing in more of their refreshing take on mens underwear.

DON'T MISS Free Torture Garden at the Barbican

To celebrate Halloween, Torture Garden are holding a FREE night at the barbican centre in London on Wed 4th November from 8pm - 1am. It's being held in association with the Robert Kusmirowski exhibition (Free admission till 12am) and includes:

10 - 1am: Shows & DJs in Clubstage on Level -1, Basement

The Urban Voodoo Machine - Live

The Baron & Missy's Missadventures - Sideshow Freakshow

DJ David TG & Guest: Mash-up Freakshow, Neo Swing, Gypsy Punk, Glamour Trash, Electro Clash

Dark Carnivale Freakshow Visuals

No enforced dresscode, but dress-up and explore your imagination and invade the Barbican! Wear a Mask, Fetish, Halloween, Carvivale, Circus, Burlesque, Cabaret, Masque Ball, Moulin Rouge, Body Art, Medical, Uniform, Surrealism etc (No nudity for this special event - as open to general public)

Free Admission

Barbican Centre

Silk Street

London EC2Y 8DS

As said above, there is no nudity because this is open to the "general public" of course the people dressed up in shiny latex are not the general public are they?

See you there...

DON'T MISS Carnal Knowledge: The Films of Shohei Imamura

If you a big fan of In The Realm of the Senses, then you probably shouldn't miss the season of Shohei Imamura films showing at the ICA from 23 - 31 October 2009.

Like Oshima, Imamura's films were often quite lurid and erotic spectacles that featured strong female characters and weren't afraid to explore lusty and often taboo sexual themes. And for a director who declared he was interested in "the lower part of the human body and the lower part of the social structure", I think he must be a man after our hearts!

WE LOVE YSL's Parisienne advert featuring Kate Moss

My oh my, did this put our panties in a twist when we saw such an advert at the cinemas the other night. Rather intoxicatingly hot, and Robin's fingers did grip Fanny's thigh when Ms Moss pulled her heels on at the end. Well done YSL. Let's just hope the scent is equally seductive.

DON'T MISS Saucy highlights of London Film Fest 09

Can't be bothered thumbing through LFF's lovely yet extensive 2009 guide just to find the sexy bits? Well, we've made it easy for you:

Cracks (UK, 2009)

Eva Green (she of Vesper in Casino Royale fame) playing a lesbian school mistress who may or may not hook up with one of her nubile teen students. Need we say more?

Chloe (USA/Canada, 2009)

Julianne Moore (who is still pretty fucking fit considering it's been 12 years since Boogie Nights) hires eternally nymphette-ish Amanda Seyfried to screw her husband and tell her the tales in Atom "Exotica" Egoyan latest film.

An Education (UK, 2009)

Having just popped her 16 year old cherry to a much older man in the swirl of swinging 60's London, the divine Carey Mulligan, standing at the window smoking in her negligee, utters the soon-to-be immortal line "All that poetry, and all those songs, about something that lasts no time at all". Expect lots of cone shaped bras pointing bosoms of all sizes to the sky and the infectious enthusiasm of a sex life just begun.

Adrift (Vietnam, 2009)

Twisting and turning sexual games in contemporary East Asia, described as "almost a Vietnamese 'Les Liaisons Dangereuses'", as friends fall in and out of each others beds.

Agent ProvocateurAutumn 09 - Mission To Earth

Agent Provocateurs Autumn range of delicious lingerie recently came out with a bang, with Super hero and Rock Goddess styling it certainly made an impression. Titled "Mission To Earth" it came complete with a graphic novel to promote the range. Bright colours and a wide variety of styles including everything from playsuits to tshirt sets. See it online here.
I love AP, although it is very expensive, they do make lingerie which is much more daring in terms of style than almost anyone else. So it was with great anticipation that I saw they had a new collection coming out. Fanny and I had previously chatted about their worrying use of overly photoshopped very skinny models, however this time, although the styling and photoshop seems to have gone through the roof, at least a few more of the models are women. On first impressions my two personal favourites of the collection were the Bullet & Melody sets (pictured above). However I have to say that compared to the marketing images, the Bullet playsuit in real life looks a bit more Ann Summers than Agent Provocateur, and certainly not worth the £145 price tag (stockings & thong are extra). Melody in real life looks great, the only problem is that the best bits (the ruffle skirts) aren't actually available to buy. All in all the range is generally lovely, but a little to much style over substance. I'd give it two pinches on the buttocks and a teasing wink out of five.		I much prefer the eye-catching marketing of AP's new season compared to some of their recent attempts (did the big hair, awful photoshopping of Sirens give everyone else a massive soft-on?) but it really leaves me wondering what the actual pieces look like... the marketing shots and ones of individual items seem to vary greatly, so I'd be heading instore before I part with my precious Pussy Pounds. A lady wants to have a little confidence in what she is buying. While much of it looks rather exciting, some of the more creative and risqué pieces sadly seem kinda cheap (hello, Hornette!), but maybe that's the look they are going for. The classicist in me l.o.v.e.s the look of Pantheria set and the Kameelion skirt but little else is melting my butter. Perhaps, gone are the days when I would have gladly splashed out on an entire AP range if I had the chance??? I give Mission To Earth two chipped red fingernails out of five.

Torture GardenLondon Fetish Ball 2009

Last night was the headline event of 2009's London Fetish Weekend, The London Fetish Ball hosted by Torture Garden at Mass in Brixton. Across 4 rooms over 2 floors, there was a variety of dj's and performances, play areas and dance floors, with a very dressed up crowd, as enforced by TG organisers. Running from 10pm till 6am, tickets ranged from £23 to £30 and was attended by about 1,000 fetishists and pleasure-seekers from around the globe.
Summer has been a bit quiet at the TG parties, so it was delightful to be at a packed-out party once more! Last night was a pleasure to attend, with Scottee dj's set of trashy hits setting my well-heeled feet on fire and Esme's delightful 'Meat' performance putting a flutter in my heart. The venue was, as usual, a suitable setting for a party of such size and style, and was thankfully without any of the hitches that apparently spoilt May's Birthday Ball earlier this year, (such as ridiculous drink queues - not that we attended because of the SEone venues distasteful insistence on scanning all attendees ID details into a database). Once again, Allen & the TG team did a marvellous job at hosting one of the world's top fetish parties and ensured we staggered home at dawn, rubbing each others sore toes and giggling about the evenings adventures. Last night gets four lipstick kisses out of five from this very hungover latex lover.		I'd been looking for an excuse to slip into my new shiny nun's habit for a while, so the TG Fetish Ball seemed the perfect opportunity. With Everything from Australian Disco Sailors on the dancefloor to Rubber dominatrixes kicking guys in the balls in the dungeon, this really was a party not to be missed. The music was incredibly danceable and the venue perfect. My one gripe is the 'Fashion Shows' that are often put on as performances, in comparison to some of the actual performers they pale in comparison. The drinks are a little pricey (£6 Spirit & Mixer) but considering the atmosphere and the fact most people are struggling to balance in ridiculous heels, perhaps a hindrance to drinking too much is a great idea. For a club where many people spend far too much time and money perfecting their look before they dare enter, TG remains one of the friendliest and welcoming London club's I've been to. Robin gives this Four very hard spanks on the bottom (sorry about those Fanny).

American Apparel Sheer Luxe Cut Out Tights

AA have released a new pair of tights - pretty basic in every way except that they have cut the ass out of them! Creating a thong effect, these sheer lovelies are a rather sexy and suggestive twist to traditional tights. At £26 / $28 a pop, they are available in AA stores and online.
To be fair, I'm not a great fan of tights, in fact generally I abhor them. The first view I caught of these ones however was as my blindfold was removed 3 inches from Fanny's bottom. "They are a bit peculiar" she said, "but keep an open mind". At first I wasn't sure what was going on, she was plainly wearing a thong and a pair of stockings, then as my eyes focussed I began to twig. Certainly they beat any other pair of tights I've seen in my life, top marks for novelty and they do frame a bottom quite deliciously. However I have to say, as with all tights, they do have one great downfall (and I'm not talking about an unflattering gusset), you still have to take them off to actually have sex. I'd give them 2 cheeky winks out of 5 with a bonus point for effort.		I'm a big fan of anything that highlights ones ass, even if they are hidden. And thankfully, AA chose a model for these with a fuller bottom (than most fashion models) which highlights how delightful these tights can be when one is presenting a rear view. They are quite sheer, so you wouldn't really be wearing them for warmth mid-winter anyway, so they aren't really designed for practical purposes, and at such a price, if you are anything like me (and a pair of tights only last one or two wears before you fall drunkenly in bushes or snag them on your bicycle) then then are only really designed to be worn in the bedroom. Which isn't anything to complain about I think. These tights get 3 hard spanks out of 5 from me! xxx